Just in case

The other day I thought I’d join tumblr since WordPress seems to be full of tumbleweeds as far as the GACKT and exist†trace fandoms go. Figured I could save all the interesting posts I see on the tumblrs I read anyway. So I went to join. Among various suggestions for usernames it gave me “GloriousBasementTrash,” which was quite amusing but I went with WarpSpeedLibra instead. It was interesting at first, but then it started to feel like work. So I deleted it. orz

I doubt many of the tumblrs I followed in that brief time will see this, but I wasn’t trying to be an ass! I still read & enjoy your fandom tumblrs, I’ll just watch you from afar. Does that sound weird? It sounds weird. I’mma stop being weird now.

 

Here go some random thoughts

1. I wanted to go to bed early so I could hit the polls early tomorrow. The former is not happening while the latter will still have to. I’ll take Clinton or Sanders but Trump and Cruz scare the crap outta me. *Shudders*

2. Been having weird sensations in my left quad near the knee when I squat with 100 lbs or more. Today the doctor told me to stop squatting with so much weight. It kinda bummed me out. Guess I won’t be becoming a bro anytime soon. Or maybe I’ll just be one of those bros who focuses on their pecs & biceps while walking around on skinny little toothpick legs.

3. I tried doing GACKT’s “for ladies” stretch and my right ankle was like “trick whatchu tryna do you know how much metal you still got in here?!” After which I promptly ceased & desisted.

4. Why is that with regular sleep, when you wake up you feel like time has elapsed, but with anesthesia-induced sleep, you wake up seemingly the next minute after you fell asleep? At least that’s what it was like for me with spinal anesthesia.

5. Wait, isn’t the phrase “cease and desist” kinda redundant?

6. Recently I learned that Billy Blanks fans in Japan called him Taichou (commander). This amused me.

7. I recently tried Avon’s Imari Seduction lotion for the first time. The smell was so familiar but I couldn’t place it. At first I thought “Buddhist temple in Japan” but then it hit me: it smells remarkably similar to Sephiroth’s scented candle.

8. Why yes, I have a Sephiroth scented candle. And I spray the Sephiroth cologne on my Sephiroth folding fan so that I may fan myself with Silver Winds. I think Square-Enix should’ve also released a Sephiroth mascara. I wouldn’t have bought it because I don’t use mascara, but it would have been funny.

9. Remember the part in Captain America: The Winter Soldier when Cap says “This isn’t freedom, this is fear”? Yeah. That’s why I hashtagnevertrump.

None of My Cats Has Ever Said Meow

Yesterday I felt like my right ovary wanted to burst from my body and strangle me with a fallopian tube. Today I couldn’t concentrate on my work because I kept crying at sad love songs, and then felt the need to stuff my face with ice cream.

Twenty years I’ve been bleeding yet only in the past 5 or so have I been having these unhinged periods like the women on TV. I’ve been thinking about that lately. I’ve also been thinking about the fact that none of my cats has ever said meow, and how I think that should be the title of a Smiths song. It should be right up there with “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out”, “Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”, and “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore”.

None of My Cats Has Ever Said Meow.

One of my cats did, however, impersonate a chocobo once. It was either while I was playing Chocobo Hot and Cold in Final Fantasy IX, or when I was talking to the chocobos at the chocobo farm in Final Fantasy VII. Whichever one had an actual sound clip for “kweh.” Anyway, I kept making the chocobos speak, my yellow tabby started walking around the TV questioningly, and eventually uttered the word himself. He said it twice, then never again. I still say kweh to him though. He usually answers with “Ehhhhn!” so I tell him he was made by a warlock in Saskatchewan.

There used to be a beautiful longhair furball in my family who said “we-ee-ee” and “oeuf”. The latter was not surprising, considering he was born on Bastille Day and thus had been given a French name. Sometimes I wonder if we doomed him when we named him Danton. Of course, it wasn’t a Revolutionary Tribunal that ended his life, but a growth in his lungs.

Danton’s sister, Rousseau, has similarly never said meow. She has, surprisingly, said “nyaaa.” Her mother says “braeh” when she wants something and “eahhh!” when she’s angry.

Then there’s the sleek jet-black Halloween cat whom we named after a minor character in the Mexican telenovela adaptation of a certain 1884 American novel that takes place after the Mexican-American War. He says “waaooh” when he wants to be let into my room and “coorrrr!” when he’s surprised and/or scared. He has also been heard saying “ra-raow-raow,” which I suppose is the closest to “meow” that any of these cats have come.

SS on a Lazy Sunday

 

Episode 5: P.S. I LOVE U

Episode 5 consists of the lyrics to “P.S. I LOVE U” proper.

I hesitated to do this one, because I’d been using these episodes as time trial assignments. On the one hand, a song is not something I want to rush through, and I only rarely do song translations, which are much harder. On the other hand, I noticed in the course of translating these episodes that adding the race element made me reach for the most natural-sounding English first. This is something I’ve been struggling to regain after being surrounded by translation-ese for 4 years.

So I decided to do it, only that after the time trial portion I spent a bit of time translating the translation. I’ve made it read like a letter rather than song lyrics. Perhaps it’s a fairly liberal interpretation. So I say to anyone reading this, especially if you don’t speak Japanese at all, look at several translations/interpretations, and make of them all what you will. Thanks for stopping by this little corner of the internet. ^o^/

GACKT’s Intro

From me, to my beloved LOVERS…

I wrote out my pure feelings in this love letter. Please accept it.

P.S. I LOVE U

Dear _______,
When you find this letter, if there’s someone next to you watching with a worried look on their face, please don’t read it then.

Dear _______,
As you greet each new day, are you still suffering over me? You’re not stuck, are you? You were never good at lying, but your kind attempts always offered me support. I wanted to be with you longer.

Even if you’re so sad that you can’t face the day, please don’t look back. You’re very dear to me, so won’t you smile for me? Please?

This love is forever.

Dear _______,
Your life is in the present.
Meeting you meant everything to me. It was just…too happy….
But I’m nothing more than a chip off the life you’re carving out for yourself.
So even if you’re so sad that you can’t face the day, please don’t look back. You’re very dear to me, so for my sake, don’t be afraid to love again. Okay?

This love is forever.

Even if I turn to dust, and get carried off into the sky by the bitter winter wind, I’ll never ever forget your smile, nor your endless kindness.

When I’m reborn again, and we cross paths, I hope there will be a wonderful person smiling at your beloved side; I pray there will be a wonderful person at your side.

Goodbye.

P.S.: I love you.

GACKT’s Outro

Split into 4 parts, I’ve shared with you the episodes I came across on the journey of making “P.S. I LOVE U,” and received many people’s reactions to these stories. I’m reading them all now, little by little. There’s going to be an event on the 11th, so I’ll share some of these reactions then. I’ll let you know the details of the event later.

Episode 4: Please Don’t Forget Me ~The Letter from 5 Years Ago~

(Translation of どうか私のことを忘れないで〜五年後に届いた手紙〜)

Just realized these stories were also being posted to GACKT’s public Facebook, not just the LOVERS mail magazine. For the sake of completeness I’ve included all he said this time. That said I still included it within my time trial limit because otherwise I’d fret over it forever. ^o^;

I rather liked this one. Probably because that’s the kind of letter I’d write. Full of jokes.

GACKT’s Introduction:

This is late because I spent so much time thinking of how best to convey this to you. Sorry.

Today’s episode is “The Letter from 5 Years Ago.” While I was watching this, I thought about the futures of the people I love. [Ed. note: I’m taking this to mean all the people he holds dear, rather than a single particular lover. …no pun intended.]

Would I want them to forget me as they walk their future path? Or would I want them to keep me in their hearts, always feeling my presence walking beside them? This is the issue that I fretted about the most with this song. I asked my staff for their opinions, but that just added to the confusion.

If I say what I really feel, I’ll say that I don’t want to be forgotten. I want the people I love to always feel me at their side.

But, when I’m gone, rather than grieving over losing me, I want them to look ahead, moving forward with a smile. Or better yet, if I could take with me all the memories made with the people I love, to ease their suffering even just a little bit…well, that’s the train of thought I had.

In any case, I want the people I love to be happy for all eternity. I wish from the bottom of my heart, that when their time comes, they’ll be able to feel that they were happier than anybody else. [Ed. note: I’m not 100% sure I understood this one correctly.]

So, while thinking about all these sorts of things, somehow I finished making this new song. While I’d really like to reveal to you the whole story at this very moment, let’s leave some fun for tomorrow.

We’ll meet again then.

Episode 4: Please Don’t Forget Me ~The Letter from 5 Years Ago~

This letter arrived five years after my wife’s intense battle with disease ended in her painful death. It seems she wrote it for a future me when she felt the end was drawing near. Below is the entire letter.

Dear Future ◯◯,

How are you? Is that job you love so much going well? It’s you we’re talking about, so I’m sure you’ve been incredibly successful. I’m happy, yo!

Well, getting straight to the point…it seems I won’t live much longer. In my line of work you somehow get to really understand your own body. And the medicine I get now is completely different too. So, I figured I should write you one last letter.

By this time, you must have a new, cute wife, huh? Ahaha! Well that’s great! You find happiness, don’t worry about me. You have the gift of making people happy. You can’t forsake your responsibility of using that gift. I’m watching over you to make sure your life is filled with joy.

I’m completely fine. I’m here in the Afterlife drooling over hot guys, after all! LOL

And you, you’re gonna have many children, and make a wonderful family. I bet your children are gonna be soooo cute! Maybe I’ll be reborn as one of them! If you have to wait in line to be reborn, I’m taking cuts!

That’s the sort of thing a grandmother would think up, huh. [Ed. note: I’m not sure about this line, since おばさん means ‘aunt’ or ‘middle-aged woman,’ but I should think a grandmother would be more likely to want to be reborn as her grandchild.]

But anyway…I’ve got just one request.

Please don’t forget me. No matter how happy you become, just a few times a year, please think of me. I’ve already lost my father and mother, so if you forget me, I’ll disappear from the world completely. That’s the only thing I’m scared of.

Now, when I say “a few times

The day we started going out. The restaurant by the sea in Makuhari.

The summer we went to Hokkaido. I’ve always worn the necklace you gave me then. I’m still wearing it now. Don’t put it in the coffin with me! You keep it, okay?

The day of your first match as a regular player was also the first day I made your lunch. Not that I’m saying the two things are related! The fried egg was too spicy. Sorry ’bout that.

You got hammered on our anniversary! But that’s fine! LOL

Lastly, the anniversary of my death. I think I’ll be able to sleep happily while thinking about you.

These are my Top 4 Memories! So think of me just four times a year, okay? That’s all I ask. Alright? The instant you think of me, I’ll be able to come back to this world. I’m selfish till the end, eh? Ahaha…. Sorry.

Hmm, I meant to write to the future you, but I’m a bit confused now. Well, your future is shining so bright it’s blinding, I can’t see at all!

Oh, I’m being called for an x-ray, so I’ll sign off here. If I really sat myself down to write, this letter would probably get reeeally long. So I just wrote what came to me, and this’ll have to be it.

◯◯, thanks for everything up till now. I’m sorry if this letter made you sad.

My life that I spent with you, that I made with you, was so happy that my belly’s full!

There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.

I’ll watch over you, and protect your happiness, forever and always.

From △△, who is imagining your future smile.

P.S.: Hey, you better eat right!

Oh come on! Bossing me around till the end!

For your information, I’m still single. But I’m happy. I realized it once more reading your letter. I’m gonna do my best, so you just keep watching, got it?

Thanks.

Episode 3: The Present (Translation of プレゼント)

Hahaha, this was one of the sites I came across when I Googled 泣ける話 to try to figure out if this was a genre of internet writing (and therefore not true stories). Still don’t know.

GACKT’s question before the story: “You’ve probably experienced this too, right? Going all out for the one you love.”

~The Present~

Yesterday I got a letter from a fourth grade elementary school child asking for advice. The letter said:

I want my mother to feel better, so I want to buy her a present. But I only have 329 yen from my allowance. What can I get with that much that a girl would like?

This boy’s mother has cancer and won’t live much longer. But he doesn’t know that.

Today I took the boy to a department store.

“I wonder if Mom’s on a diet? She doesn’t eat at all, she just laughs and goes hungry. Maybe I can buy diet snacks.”

“Can I buy shoes? I wanna go to an aquarium with Mom!”

“A letter? That’s embarrassing! Mmm…but I’ll try to write her one. I’ll write it in an origami crane!”

“I wonder if I can buy flowers? But it’s sad when they dry up. So maybe I should make it a cactus?”

“Mom’s hands were cold. Can I buy gloves? But she could only use them in the winter, huh?”

“Mom said she wanted to eat caviar! I wonder if I can buy that?”

Tears welled up in my eyes each time the boy spoke about his mother.

“I got it! I’m getting her shoes! I wanna go to a bunch of places with Mom!”

There’s no way you can buy shoes with 300 yen!

While the boy went to the restroom, I went over to the shoe department and explained the situation to the clerk. I asked if it were possible to sell shoes to the boy for 300 yen. Of course, I planned on paying the rest later. The clerk kindly agreed.

When I took the boy to the shoe department, there was a paper sign that said everything was 300 yen. It was crude, like it was made in a hurry, but it moved me deeply.

“I’m getting these!”

He’d chosen a pair of white heels. When I tried to pay the difference later, the clerk said to me, smiling, “They’re 300 yen, so they were paid in full.” My heart was overflowing with gratitude.

The boy said to me, “I can’t wait to see my mother’s face when she sees these!” So we headed to the hospital.

“Mom, present for you!” he said loudly, opening the hospital room door with a smile. Surprised, the mother opened the gift. When she saw what was inside, she started crying.

“Oh, thank you. But…I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll be able to put on shoes and go out anymore. I might die.”

The boy looked surprised, and said with downcast eyes,

“People who lived with all their heart and soul become stars! And stars that shine with all their might are reborn as people! When I look up at the stars, I’ll see you, so I won’t be lonely! But you have to try hard to live. So don’t give up, do your very best!

I wanna go to the aquarium with you! And I bought big shoes, so you won’t outgrow them, ever!”

The mother wiped her tears, and gave her son a big hug, smiling.

If any of you out there are on the verge of giving up due to an illness or some other tough situation, please remember the boy’s words. Even this little immature child says that it’s important not to give up, to do the best you can.

Don’t throw in the towel. Fight on!