Sarcastic Sasazuka

I entered the Sasazuka Elise contest just to put my point out there. Given how sarcastic (and poorly drawn) it is I have no hopes of winning, but if nothing else, I’m amused. I think this is the funniest use of the blur tool I’ve ever thought up. I hope they don’t disqualify it off the bat since YouTube displays it initially as being 31 seconds long, but it’s only 30. Transcription and translations below. The part in brackets is the text I wrote in the video but didn’t speak.

私は笹塚エリーゼ。ガクトの幼なじみ。でも私はひどい隠し事をしている。それはガクトのご両親がおなくなりになったのは私のせいでした。私が声をかけたので、お父さんとお母さんの頭が爆発してしまったのです。あの頃のガクトは普通の陽気な男の子だったのに、その修羅場についた瞬間、闇の世界に落ちていきました。[ちなみに、さやちゃんが車椅子状態になったのも私のせいでした。さやちゃんの前でお箸を使って、あまりのショックで脚の骨が骨折してしまったのです。]この悲劇をもう二度と繰り返さないように、私はもっと日本語勉強します!

I’m Elise Sasazuka, GACKT’s childhood friend. But, I’m hiding a terrible secret. It’s my fault GACKT’s parents died. I spoke to them, and their heads exploded. At that time, GACKT was a normal, cheerful boy. But when he came upon that bloody scene, he plunged into a world of darkness. [By the way, it’s also my fault that Saya’s in a wheelchair now. I used chopsticks in front of her, and the shock was so great, her legs broke.] I’ll study Japanese more so that this tragedy may never again be repeated!

Yo soy Elise Sasazuka, amiga de GACKT desde nuestra niñes. Pero tengo un secreto terrible. Es mi culpa que murieron los padres de GACKT. Sus cabezas explotaron cuando yo les hable. En esos tiempos, GACKT era un muchacho normal y alegre. Pero cuando el llegó y se dio cuenta de lo que habia pasado, el cayó en un mundo muy, muy oscuro. [Por sierto, tambien es mi culpa que Saya quedo en silla de ruedas. Comí con palillos enfrente de ella, y se le quebraron las piernas del susto.] Voy a echarle ganas a mis estudios de japones para que esta tragedia no se repita!

Since I was limited to 30 seconds and I didn’t want to have too much text saying one thing while I spoke another, I left out that TAKUMI developed thyroid problems from the shock of seeing Elise either go into a Japanese home and take her shoes off without being told, eat and enjoy natto, or offer him a snack in really respectful language (like「巧様、お気に召すかどうか知りませんが、差し入れでございます」or something—you can really blow some minds if you use お気に召す instead of つまらないものですが, BTW) I hadn’t decided which “foreigners don’t ___” thing to play with.

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2 thoughts on “Sarcastic Sasazuka

    • Mm, I feel like I’ve said my piece and I’m satisfied with that. Between this and the other questionable things he’s said in the past I don’t know if I’ll ever respect GACKT the way I used to before, and it makes me kind of sad that I’ll be listening to his music with the same mindset that I listen to, for example, Kanye West: “the man can be a jackass but he makes good songs.” ^o^;

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