I was late in seeing that GACKT had celebrated April Fool’s this year. Does he always do it? I haven’t really been paying too much attention these days.
Anyway, I saw “GAKUTON” (written in kanji with the ateji 我苦豚 which would be like…obstinate difficult pig, or Me the Bitter Pig maybe) first on Twitter and while I wasn’t terribly amused at the whole “Let’s laugh at the thought of GACKT being a slightly chubby man and call him a pig OINK OINK” bit
(to say nothing of the hashtags…seriously, エコ反対? Not environmentally friendly? Says the guy with multiple cars, multiple homes, and a habit of flying all over the world constantly? Pretty sure my fat ass has a smaller carbon footprint but ok sure) the puns on the homepage made me laugh. So I’ll forgive his skinny butt and munch on a snack like YOSHIKI and sip my tea like KERMIT.
If you’re not in the mood for a bunch of fat jokes, you’re better off skipping this post.
By the time I saw the homepage, it was already April 2nd in Japan, so the images in the slider have been covered up somewhat. But here’s what the text within the images says!
The red stamp reads “Name change cancelled.”
The fan club name was changed to 動物性 G & BUTTERS. The word 動物性（doubutsusei) can refer to the characteristics animals have, or to things derived from animals that humans consume. For example, “animal fat” is 動物性脂肪 (doubutsusei shibou).
An ad for soft serve. The catch copy says “This is all there is.”
What’s this making fun of? I remember GACKT selling wine…oh, was it the fancy mushrooms?
I think the text right next to him is the same as it was in the hair treatment ad, but the text underneath now says, “For the approximately 12 million people concerned about obesity. The option of [going to the] doctor.”
Gakton World Tour “Night of Wet Dreams” Red stamp: “Performances cancelled indefinitely”
Now THIS is the pièce de résistance!
World Tour Schedule
April 1, 2038 France, in front of the Arc de Triomphe
April 1, 2042 Italy, in front of the Colosseum
April 1, 2046 England, in front of Buckingham Palace
April 1, 2050 Egypt, in front of the Pyramid of Khufu
April 1, 2054 Peru, next to the Nazca Lines
April 1, 2058 United States, in front of Times Square
April 1, 2062 The Korean Peninsula, around the 38th parallel
April 1, 2064 China, around Tiananmen Square
April 1, 2068 North Korea, somewhere within Pyongyang
April 1, 2072 Japan, Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, 42nd Floor, Meeting Room A
All on sale March 31, 2038
The fifth thing in the sliders was the Angel Gakucchi’s, but they just blurred everything out and wrote “cancelled” on top. Then we have:
Instead of “Karanukan” we have “Tontoroton”
Gold text: Expected to be nominated in seven Academy Award categories
Red text (not the stamp): I caught a sea bream.
(Hey, maybe he really was saying “I sell fish” during his live “Fragrance” performance…? Bwahaha!)
I’m not sure if the title Tontoroton would be interpreted as anything specifically other than “something with ‘pig’ in it that sounds vaguely Okinawan” but…I thought “pig melty pig” first then “pig fatty tuna pig”…^_^;
“Simultaneous release of the first 3 titles since Gakuton’s name change!”
The red stamps says “Sale cancelled.” Instead of 罪の継承 (Tsumi no Keishou, “Inheritance of Sin” to translate literally), we have:
富の散財 Tomi no Sanzai “Squandering of Wealth” (or, “Conspicuous Consumption” is what I would say of GACKT ^o^; but that doesn’t match the pattern)
民の反乱 Tami no Hanran “Insurrection of the People”
耳の乾燥 Mimi no Kansou “Dryness of the Ear” (He’s holding a mimikaki, or ear cleaning stick)
“Weight gain guaranteed!!”
Special product on sale in commemoration of name change
New Enzyme Drink
① Mixed with 95% cola, the highest in the industry!
② Uses the most carefully chosen sugar
On sale April 1, 2068
“11 years after [the events of] the legendary Taiga drama Fuurin Kazan…”
OH THE PUNS!
The real drama was 風林火山 (fuurin kazan), literally meaning “wind woods fire mountain” but figuratively meaning “Swift as the Wind, Silent as a Forest, Fierce as Fire and Immovable as a Mountain,” note the long vowel in fuurin).
The two “sequels” are 不倫母さん (Furin Kaa-san) “Adulterous Mother” and 乳輪婆さん (Nyuurin Baa-san) “Areola Grandmother.”
豚の化身 Buta no Keshin, “The Embodiment of Pig”
Gakton’s first nude photo compilation, “The Embodiment of Pig”…or “Pigness” might be a better word to use with “embodiment.” For 2,980,000 yen plus tax (about 30,000 USD), you get 260,000 pages of fully nude Gakton captured by photographer Kasei Houkei (a name which, taken phonetically, could mean “help [for] phimosis”…or rather, I’m willing to bet that’s what GACKT intended even though there are other possibilities because when it comes to GACKT, if there’s a penis reference to be made that’s probably what he’ll go for). On the detail page it said that this photographer was “a friend of Maestro Kanou’s apprentice.” This “maestro” apparently refers to Tenmei Kanou, a “somewhat infamous photographer of nudes.”
That’s pretty much it. I don’t feel like going through all the detail pages but the world tour schedule and Tsumi no Keishou parodies sure cracked me up!